November 2, 2003 Communion Dedication - Baldwin Christian Church

If I were to walk up here, look up at you and say, "I love you," without saying anything else, and then just stand here eagerly awaiting your response, every one of you would have a different reaction. When you got past thinking I'm crazy, your minds would begin to search for a meaning behind my statement. Because I hadn't said anything to you before saying, "I love you," and I hadn't followed it up with anything, you have no context, no frame of reference to give meaning to my words. The word "love" is the problem. Does it mean that I love each and every one of you as brothers and sisters, as a part of this church family? Yes, it surely does. Does it mean that I love all of you as members of my own family, of my geneaology? Well, I guess I'd have to reservedly say no. Does it mean that I love all of you in the carnal, "Pepe Le Pew" way? No, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Does it mean that I love all of you so much that I would lay down my life for any one of you? I would like to think so, but I cannot truly know until I'm actually called to do it.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them.

The New Testament was written in the Greek language. If we understood Greek, and if I had said, "I love you" in that language, even if you had no frame of reference to go by, you would understand exactly what I meant. It would be clear because I would use "phileo" (philadelphia-brotherly love) to explain that I love you as my brothers and sisters in Jesus. This is a giving and taking kind of love, but unfortunately we do tend to enjoy receiving it more than giving it. The word I would have used for "love" to describe my feelings toward my geneaological family is "stergo." This type of love is the result of a natural bond, and this usually means more giving than taking. If I were Pepe Le Pew, I would have used the word "Eros" to describe my love. This word doesn't appear in any form in the New Testament Greek, probably because by itself, "Eros" (erotic) is so prone to corruption. It takes more than it gives, and this is contrary to the message of the New Testament. Now when Jesus says that He loves you, the word for love is "agapeo." "Agapeo" expects nothing in return. It sacrifices itself in hope of saving another. Husbands, even though she probably would, God didn't ask your wife to lay down her life for you. He asked her to be your second in command.

Ephesians 5:25-30
25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

Husbands, the love toward your wife as defined in Ephesians 5:25, and Colossians 3:19 is "agapeo." The love that always gives, and never takes. She's been commanded to submit to you, and you've been commanded to always give to her, never taking. She may have less strength than you do, but she is your spiritual equal, deserving and worthy of this great honor.
I am not yet a husband, but it would seem to me that when the Bible tells me to love (agapeo) my wife, it covers everything, and nothing else needs to be said, but our verse reads, "Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them. As a man, I do know that listening is one of my weaknesses, and I usually need to be told everything twice. Sometimes even that doesn't work, because I tend to pick and choose which words I listen to, otherwise known as selective hearing or "hearing only what you want to hear," and selective memory is the result. As a husband, it might be tempting to tune out everything immediately following the statement, "Husbands, love [your] wives," so we shouldn't overlook the importance of the rest of the command. It was said to get your attention. Your wife is better listener than you are. If you're even slightly bitter against her today, you might not remember it tomorrow, but she does. She may try hard to keep it inside of her, but your bitterness toward her causes the very foundation of your household to crack, and in a subtle, destructive way it affects your children. Whenever sour words make their way to your taste buds (before they cross your lips and sail toward your wife), remember how sweet she is, remember what a blessing it is to marry, remember the kind of love that Jesus has for His church, remember how God showed Moses the tree (cross) that made the bitter waters sweet (Exodus 15:22-25), go directly to your back door, and kick the attitude of bitterness right out of your house.